Self-Aggression and Loving-Kindness

I came across this gem in my readings on contemplative psychotherapy:

In contemplative psychotherapy, we define ‘aggression’ as pushing away or rejecting experience. . . So, self-aggression is pushing away aspects of one’s own experience or rejecting oneself in some way. Loving-kindness is the opposite: it is allowing all aspects of one’s experience to be recognized and rejecting none of them.

-The Courage to Be Present: Buddhism, Psychotherapy, and the Awakening of Natural Wisdom, by Karen Kissel Wegela (pg. 72)

One of the beautiful things about Co-Active coaching is the principle of Process coaching– “. . . chaos, confusion and inertia are part of a client’s forward motion. Process coaching is about being with clients wherever they are on the flowing river of their lives, allowing them to more fully know themselves. . .”

We co-active coaches endeavour to create the space wherein our clients can practice loving-kindness toward themselves instead of pushing away uncomfortable aspects of their experience.

I invite you to experiment over the next few days with noticing when you are pushing away or rejecting experience. Is it a twinge of anger that you push away because you don’t want to think of yourself as an angry person? Is it a surge of joy that you squash down because you fear celebrating when others are suffering? Is it a burst of jealousy that you deny because you wish to sustain your ego’s view of yourself as a loving person?

What would it be to invite loving-kindness toward all of those experiences?

Rather than pushing them away or rejecting them, allow them.

Here they are.

Here is my anger, my joy, my jealousy.

What do you notice shift when you pay attention and allow instead of pushing away?

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If you would like to work with a coach as you learn to attend to and allow your experience, I would love to hear from you. 

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