Good Reads

Things around the interweb that I’d like to share with you:

  • Chris Corrigan explores What It’s Like to Make Change“Social change is not easy.  Asking for it to be made easy is not fair.  Leadership in this field needs to be able to host all of these emotional states, and to help people hold each other through very trying times.”
  • Karen Kimsey-House of the Coaches Training Institute writes on Failure: “In my experience, there are two things that are guaranteed to kill aliveness, authenticity, creativity and innovation: Looking good and Getting it right.”
  • Elisha Goldstein, at the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blog, delves into How Do We Get In Our Own Way: “[M]any of us are afraid of our own light. Something in us heavily guards against it, saying, ‘I can’t do that,’ or ‘I’m no good at this,’ or ‘That’s not important.'”
  • Danette Relic of Radical Creative Sanctuary visits Roots of She with an ode to Sensual Self-Care: “I imagine the woman I know I can be when I feel loved, cared for, and empowered for taking wonderful care of myself… When I treat myself with sensual care, my mind is clear, my heart is open and my bones feel alive. I am a better friend, lover, coach and a more generous spirit.”

Honouring Values

I’ve often had the experience of working with a client who knows he/she values adventure, but whose life hasn’t incorporated adventure for a long time. Or a client who values openness and transparency, and yet has been putting off a conversation he/she knows he/she has to have in order to honour those values in a relationship. This past weekend I got to explore these values coaching conversations more deeply, as I served as an assistant at the Coaches Training Institute’s Fulfillment course. One aspect of Fulfillment coaching is working with clients to identify their values, and then coaching clients to bring those values more alive and more in action.

What might this look like for you?

Below is an exercise we completed in the Fulfillment course. I invite you to give it a whirl.

1. Get clear on your values.

Think of some of your values. These might spring to mind readily, or you might need to mine past experiences to identify them (my friend and colleague Tanya Geisler has posted some values clarifications tools that could help you out).

I have a super long list of values, probably fifty or more, that all speak to me in various ways.

2. Pick five values that are calling out to you right now.

Don’t stress about having these be your “top five”; just reach for the ones that seem most important to you at this moment.

From my list, I selected peace, truthfulness, warmth, unconventional, and clarity.

3. Get measurable.

For each of your five, rate how much you are honouring this value in your life. 10/10: you couldn’t possibly honour it any more than you already are; 1/10: you aren’t honouring it at all.

My ratings:

  • Peace: 8/10
  • Truthfulness: 9/10
  • Warmth: 6/10
  • Unconventional: 8/10
  • Clarity: 8/10

4. Pick one.

Choose one of the values that you’d like to honour more in your life. You don’t have to choose the one with the lowest score–choose the one that’s calling you.

5. Dream big.

What would your life look like if you were honouring this value at a 10/10?

What would you be doing?

What would you be feeling?

Who would you be?

What would others notice about you?

As I envisioned 10/10 warmth, I noticed myself getting stressed. I imagined people dropping by, coming over for dinner, my home as a centre of hospitality; I got tense thinking that people would drop by and interrupt my quiet, peaceful day; I would have to be “on” even if I didn’t feel up to it; I didn’t have the energy to be that warm.

What was happening to me is a perfect example of what often happens in Fulfillment coaching: as one dreams about living fully in line with one’s values, all the voices about “Why this won’t work” get louder and louder and can prevent one from taking even a small action. This is a perfect time to acknowledge all those “Why not” voices, and then return to the spectacular feeling of what it would be like to honour one’s values.

6. Pick an action. Then act.

If you’ve been playing along here, you’ve identified some of your values, picked a few, chosen one to explore more, and dreamed about what it would be like to honour that value more fully.

Here’s where the rubber hits the road: pick one action, small or large, that will move you closer to honouring that value in your life.

For me, it was setting a date to host a dinner night at my house.

What will it be for you? I invite you to chime in on the comments.


Do you have values you would like to be clearer about? Values you would like to be honouring more in your life? Working with a coach will add clarity and move you to action. I invite you to get in touch to learn more.