Ready for Change

This past weekend I joined Ashley Parsons of Sugarbum Designs, Julia Cross of Tender Thorn Productions, and a number of other Ottawa creatives at the Super Fabulous Sale, a local artisan fair.

It was a lovely opportunity to meet Ottawans one-on-one and to talk about coaching. I had a quick little brainstorm with Cynthia, and she threw her creative talents into a cross-country collaboration with me to produce the Ready for Change coaching booth.

The Ready for Change Wishing Tree

I wanted each person I spoke with to get a taste of what working with a life coach might get them thinking about, so – with Cynthia’s help, and Yoko Ono’s – I came up with the idea you see in the picture.

As people got curious about what was going on at my table, I handed them a marker and a paper heart and asked them to write down one thing they were ready to leave behind in 2011. I was moved by people’s honesty, and their readiness to name what they wanted to leave behind: “worry” came up a number of times; a few people wrote “self-doubt”; someone listed “being stuck and resentful.” I asked them to leave their heart at the bottom of the wishing tree.

Next,  I handed them a paper leaf and asked them to write down something they wished for 2012. Smiles broke out on people’s faces as they completed this part: they wrote wishes such as “more art!”, “patience”, “health”, “finishing my thesis.”

Once they’d written their wish, I invited them to tie their wish leaf onto the wishing tree.

By the end of the day, all of these coach-y questions (“What do you wish to leave behind? What do you wish for the future?”) had yielded a beautiful, blooming tree of hope.

What are you ready to leave behind as 2011 comes to a close?

What are you wishing for 2012? 

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Last week I came face to face with my animus, shadow, and wise old woman thanks to one of my colleagues at the Transpersonal Therapy Centre, who led our class through a series of art exercises inspired by Jungian psychology.

My animus emerged as a guttural caveman, eager to go out and spear a boar and then come grunting home to the cave.

My shadow image–an evil, silent, laughing clown–still makes me screw up my mouth in discomfort.

And my wise old woman glowed with calm, presence, and beauty, sending the blessing “Peace Be Upon You”  to all she met.

What to make of all this, and what part might be useful for you, dear internet surfer?

Anima/Animus

As I understand Jung, I need to understand and incorporate my animus (my inner masculine side). I’ll need to do some work to find out where I see this fierce, inarticulate provider/caveman come out, and understand how I can draw on that as a positive energy.

For you:

If you are a woman, what traditionally masculine qualities do you notice inside you?

If you are a man, what traditionally feminine qualities can you find in yourself?

For both, what about those qualities could be of service to you at this point in your life?

Shadow

I need to examine my shadow to find the hidden parts of myself that I disown. As I learn to accept these uncomfortable parts of myself, the shadow will lose its power over me and I’ll even be able to find the gift that (Jung says) resides in the shadow. Perhaps this means owning up to an evil silent part of me that laughs at others, although right now I can’t fathom the gift in that particular shadow.

For you:

Here’s a question that might point you toward your shadow -> imagine the most annoying person at a cocktail party, the person you are going out of your way to avoid, the person you most definitely do not want to talk to. Got a person in mind? Write down five adjectives about that person.

Now, ask yourself, “How is it true that I am [adjective]? What would be helpful about being [adjective]?”

Ask these questions separately for each of the five adjectives that you came up with.

For you:

To get in touch with your inner wise old man/woman, here are a few starter questions:

Who and what are you when you are at your best?

Where in your body can you feel/sense your ‘wise voice’, your ‘inner wisdom’?

What do you need to raise the volume on that voice?

Finally, one tool I’ve found helpful for getting in touch with my own personal wise woman is the Future Self journey I learned at The Coaches Training Institute. If you’ve never experienced the Future Self journey, drop me a line to book an appointment, and we’ll travel there together. 

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On December 30, 2009, I gathered together people from all areas of my life for Two Hours of Perspective, looking back on the year and decade that was, and dreaming ahead to the 2010 we wanted to see for ourselves. It was cold, we had banana bread, and cookies, and rum and eggnog and shortbread, and candles, and good conversation. Lots and lots of good conversation.

Coming out of that evening, one person set out on a healthy living goal that has just gathered more and more speed ever since, like a snowball of healthy goodness. Another person took the vision of his Future Self and turned it into a tattoo to remind himself of the force he wanted to be. I wrote down the words I wanted to guide me for 2010, and regularly revisit them and tune back into my intentions for the year.

As I look out my window now, at an explosion of greenery, at flowers running rampant, at 30+ degrees of Toronto summer, the time is ripe for Two Hours of Perspective, Redux. Mid-year, let’s gather together to reconnect with our goals and dreams for 2010, share where we’ve been, and dream about what we want as we move to summer and then to fall. Whether you were at the December Two Hours of Perspective or not, you are invited to Two Hours of Perspective, Redux, on Saturday, June 26 from 2pm-4pm (probable location: Bloor-Bathurst area).

Send me an email at readyforchangecoaching@gmail.com to RSVP and for more details. Hope to see you there. 

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December has been busy, and December has been lazy, and I have not been writing blog posts. Today I have two things to say, plus a poem.

First, this week I’m hosting Two Hours of Perspective, Dec. 30, from 2pm-4pm. Any and all are welcome, just contact me.

Second, I’m putting together a 2010 visioning package for coaching clients (or anyone else interested). The visioning package gives you a chance to focus completely on the big picture instead of the day-to-day. It consists of reflection and planning exercises, plus an hour-long coaching session designed to set you up for the year to come. Drop me a line if you’re interested in taking advantage of this, or watch here for more details.

Finally, I stumbled across this poem in a book from a friend, and I loved it:

The Church says: The body is a sin.
Science says: The body is a machine.
Advertising says: The body is a business.
The body says: I am a fiesta.

-Eduardo Galeano

May your 2009 end with a fiesta. Your body’s already partying. 

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It’s the end of the year and the end of the decade!

I, for one, am feeling a serious need for reflection. Between holiday parties, friends and families, and the onslaught of year-in-review lists, where’s the time for us to think about what our last year meant to us and where we are in the bigger story of our lives?

I’m a sucker for this sort of thing, and am hereby inviting anyone interested to come to my house on Wednesday, Dec. 30th, from 2pm-4pm, for a two hour reflection gathering.

I promise to provide thought-provoking questions, good conversation, and quiet time for contemplation and journalling. I’ll arrange the questions and conversation-starters, chart out the flow of the two hours so that you get personal and private reflection, and the chance to reflect with others, and I’ll have some art supplies and wine/eggnog/something on hand. You bring a journal or notebook, or anything else that will help you look back on the year (decade) past and look forward to the year to come.

Send me an email if you want to join the reflection party.

Take two hours of perspective. Hope to see you here. 

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Last night, a spectacular array of business and life coaches and a spectacular array of folks looking for coaches all met together at Coach Buffet. Kudos to organizers Lisa Chandler and Tanya Geisler for the vision to dream up this event, and to see that the best way for people to understand what coaching will do for them is to let them dig right in to a coach buffet.

As I answered questions about coaching during the breaks, I revisited all the reasons I love it: reasons I need to articulate more often.

Coaching gets a client to examine what is really important to him/her, connect with it on a regular basis, and start making decisions in line with those values.

Coaching gives me faith in humanity. When people sit down and have a chance to talk about their values and passions, their most noble and true selves come to the surface. Anytime I have asked someone, “What is important to you?”, the answer has inspired me.

For more coaching love, check out Why I Love My Amazing Clients.

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This month I’m fundraising to support Engineers Without Borders, a fantastic organization that embraces personal and professional development. You can help me reach my fundraising target by donating here.

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What luxury do you wish for?

I sat in on a Picture Your Passion teleclass this week. Jamie suggested a simple, simple way to test out visioning: Get off this call, she said, and go find a picture of something you want to bring into your life. Find a picture, write the word on it, put it in your wallet, and carry it around with you all month. And see what you notice.

All right, I thought, I’ll give it a shot. I found pictures that represented things I’m wanting in my life right now: love, beauty, passion, and money.

And watch for what you notice, she said.

Here’s what I noticed: I’m distinctly uncomfortable with those pictures.

I look at the money one and I think, “Oh, I don’t need that. I don’t need nice things or pretty things or fine wine. How materialistic.”

I look at the love one and I think, “Oh, that’s just some made up notion of romantic love and the real thing is often more trouble than it’s worth.”

I look at the passion and beauty one, and my Puritan upbringing rings scripture in my head: let’s not be caught up in the outward adornment, nor the showy things, nor the external.

Huh. I’m noticing that there’s a lot of just-below-conscious messages in my head that are probably directing me away, rather than toward, love-money-passion-beauty.

So when Jamie asks today, “What luxury do you wish for?”, I’m going for the luxury of being comfortable with all of those pictures and all of what they represent. The luxury of believing that love and wealth and beauty and passion can be and will be – and already are – a part of my life.

What luxury do you wish for? 

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I grew up in the mountains with parents who were nervous about water. Unlike the Ontario kids who spent summers at camp, I barely learned to swim and never went out on a boat.

When I finally went on my first canoe trip, last summer, I was repeatedly chastised for saying “row” instead of “paddle”. My lifelong inability to tell left from right suddenly became glaringly obvious, as was my inability to tell the front (er, bow) of the canoe from the back (which may or may not be the stern).

Now with two week-long canoe trips behind me, here are my life lessons gleaned from canoeing:

I had the most fun when everything looked like it was about to go wrong.

When I nearly tipped the canoe. When my co-paddler jumped out in the middle of the lake and I couldn’t battle the headwind to get back and pick him up. When I did a poor job of tying the canoe and, about ten minutes later, we realized it had floated away…

Sometimes you need to strip off your clothes, jump in, and swim like crazy.

When the canoe floated away, it was my fault, and I was the one ready to dive in after it. Spontaneous swimming, pushing myself physically, and saving the day.

What strikes me is that I loved those five minutes of canoe chasing – and they were completely unlike the minutes I usually surround myself with. I generally barricade myself against anything that could go wrong, take excessive precautions, and rarely jump to be the centre of attention and solve the problem.

What if I did that more? Metaphorically, I’m embracing a little more unexpected incidents of wandering canoes, sunset swims, and jumping into action to make things right. 

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Wishcasting Wednesdays! This week Jamie asks:

What door do you wish to open?

This week, I wish to open the door to friendship, rest, wilderness, and surprise.

I’ll be offline till the 22nd, opening doors. 

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Now fully recovered from the Party of Possibility‘s wine, colourful sharpies, balloons, cookies, breathtaking ideas, and laughter, here are some of the lessons I learned when I gathered together the people who know me best and asked them to help me dream about my potential impact in the world.

Be greedy.

It’s amazing how often I limit what I wish for. As if I’m scared to ask for what I really want, or believe that it would be selfish to ask for it. But what I’ve learned is that if I’m asked, “What would I want if I was really, really greedy?”, three things happen: 1 – I become better attuned to what I truly desire, and how to express it; 2 – I discover that what I truly want isn’t selfish or thoughtless, but often involves the wellbeing and happiness of others; 3 – that when I express what I really, really want, it has a habit of happening.

Ask to have your breath taken away.

After two hours of wine and discussion, I asked everyone to write down something provocative and something breathtaking.

Much like asking myself what I would want if I was greedy, asking other people to suggest the provocative and breathtaking provided some of the best ideas, questions, and advice for me to ponder. The provocative and breathtaking, surprisingly, seems within reach when I look it straight in the eye. And sometimes, I think, people need permission to be provocative and breathtaking before they’ll say something that they’ve been thinking all along but never had the opportunity to bring into the conversation.

During my Party of Possibility, I received provocative and breathtaking suggestions ranging from “Do it first; make a plan later”, to “You’re worth five times as much as you think you are”, to “Go corporate and get hitched”, to “Turn off, embrace life, put Laura first.”

Capture the story.

We closed the evening with everyone sharing the newspaper headline they dream of reading about me sometime in the future. Each person wrote just a few words that captured the bigness and possibility of the ideas. It was a simple way to cut through to the essence.

I’ll close with some of the headlines of where you might find me in the future:

2014: Activist Acquitted in Trial of the Century

2015: New Approach to Life Coaching Hits North America

2015: McGrath named to Top 40 Under 40

2020: McGrath appointed Governor General’s personal advisor

2021: Natalie Portman Wins Oscar in Provocative Role Playing Laura McGrath in the Inspiring True Story No Dream Too Big

2043: An award is named in Laura’s honour, recognizing her body of work

And finally, one of my favourite headlines, and the one closest to home:

August 2009: World’s Happiest Woman

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